remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize