we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
