Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
