i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
