I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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