so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
