you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
