woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
