You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize