That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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