Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
