im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
