Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
