I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
