I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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