oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
