i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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