He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize