barbara walters just said penis...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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