i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
