her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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