apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
