Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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