I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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