Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
