How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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