is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
cat food counts as protein by the way
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
