Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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