I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
