The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
