Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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