I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
