I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
