I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
