I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
