i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just invented taco cereal.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
