At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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