Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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