Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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