do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize