apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
