She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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