I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
