I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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