Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
