No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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