Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
