Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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