so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize