if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
