Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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