Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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