We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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