May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
