fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Randomize
