Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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