He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
