oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
