I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
