the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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