I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
