Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
