god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
