I got chris browned last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
