What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
