Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
