Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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